i’m busting at the seams keeping this all inside. odds are, no one reads this. and i’m totally okay with that. it’s not having to carry it any longer that i want. got a new job. i work for amc, and i enjoy it. i think what i mainly enjoy is all the free movies. because i seriously spent like…all my money on going to the movies. i’m gonna be saving big time. i got two hours of sleep last night. i’m extremely tired. i think my eyes are probably red-rimmed. i probably look hella freaky. like a serial killer or some other weird ass shit. my hair smells delicious. just thought i’d throw that one in there. i’m on a scary movie kick right now. something is so appealing to me about having the piss frightened out of me. i’m trying to laugh more frequently. i started holding it in for some reason, and now i just laugh whenever i feel like it. samantha said, “penis” in red robin the other night and i was in stitches. i don’t think it’s cause she said penis though. i think i just needed a larf. but maybe it’s a little bit because she said penis. i got a tattoo in honor of my aunt shelly last night. i feel really good about it. i think she would have liked it. right now i’m very tired. and this room is pretty dusty, so my lungs are kind of struggling to take in air. but i’m holding up alright. over and out.
-b.

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i’m tired. i think i can genuinely say that i live in the night. mainly because i don’t usually do anything during the day, but at night i wander out and do things like normal people. hang out with friends and whatnot. looking at some places to live tomorrow.

things i’m thankful for:
1: train tickets have been bought and dave and myself are heading home on a midnight train friday night/saturday morning. i’m so excited.
2: i went to this park in brea tonight with dave and robin. and the view was amazing, first of all. but the main thing i loved was that i went and did a head stand in the grass and when i fell, which we all saw coming, i looked up and there were three trees with orange colored leaves framing the sky. there were even a few stars in it. and i thought, “i’m so happy i can see this. that i can love it for what it is and just be peaceful in this moment.” it was nice.
3: i’m glad for all of the friends i’ve made here. i seriously think it would have been much harder to live so far away from my family if i didn’t have people who took me in so easily. i really appreciate it.
4: artie can walk now sometimes. so i’m glad for that. it made me want to cry.

i just want to be on a level of happiness that i’m content with. i don’t want to bounce around anymore. i want to be mostly happy and sometimes sad, not the other way around. and i think i’m getting there. i’m really trying. i really am.

Woke up at 9:30 to go check out apartments with davey and ali. when we got there, we had no way of actually viewing the apartment. i’m not going to lie, i was pretty irritated. now i’m done with that, here are some good things that have happened to me recently.

1: i hung out with ali and samantha on tuesday. we watched misfits and played super nintendo. it was really a lot of fun.
2: i get to go home soon!
3: i saw hot kevin on tuesday as well. he seemed kind of angry, but i really don’t care. he has the hottest ass i have ever seen. in my life.
4: i’m going to see rent again tonight. 🙂
5: this blog really is helping me to appreciate more in my life.

bon iver still makes me want to cry my eyes out. i decided that if we were only allowed to listen to one musical artist for the rest of our lives, i’d choose him. he’s so wonderful.

dayla, davey and i are moving out. we need to move into a bigger apartment and ali is gonna move in with us. i know you said you want to come visit southern california over your break. dave and i are coming back down on the twenty-seventh to get all of our shit moved and we’re coming back to norcal on the thirtieth. you’re totally welcome to come with, if you like. i mean, i should ask dave and his mom, but i’m sure they wouldn’t mind. we could use the help moving and we could also go to disneyland, if you want. just a thought.

things i’m thankful for:

1: dave and i cleaned our apartment today. it looks really nice. we really make a good team.

2: we went to this management place today and they’re gonna help us find a good apartment. it’s lucky i have dave, seriously. that man could be a lawyer.

3: when we got home, i cooked a mexican feast. it was actually really good. i’m gonna guess it was so good because it was all we had eaten all day, but props to me anyway. i created something.

4: i got a christmas card from my mom today. it made me really happy and sad at the same time. the fact that my mom is sending me a christmas card is sad because that means i’m not with her right now. but it’s happy because my mom cares enough to send me a christmas card. adulthood is the toughest thing, but it’s a great ride.

5: it’s my sister’s birthday today. she’s eighteen now. it’s feels like just yesterday we were playing in the backyard and making up dances to cher music. i’m so proud of who she’s become.

on a less light note, i did my laundry tonight. and when i went to go pick it up, management had locked the laundry room. so i have to wait and pick up my clothes in the morning. hhhhhhh. i have to pee really badly right now. so i’m going to go do that.

sleep tight.

the only thing i really hate about facebook is the fact that i can’t curse. it’s not like i curse that much, but i do on occasion. and i am constantly refraining from doing so because i don’t want to offend everyone. seriously, fuck that shit.

on a lighter note, some things i’m thankful for these past few days:

1: davey and i had a shopping cart from target in our living room for three days. to be more clear, our entire house is a big living room, so you kind of get the picture. it was awesome, to say the least.

2: i get to see my family fairly soon, and i really miss them. so much. my sister is turning eighteen on the seventh. so make sure to tell her that she’s a piece of shit for being born on the same day that people died on pearl harbor. (i’m just kidding, don’t do that.)

3: i went to denny’s twice last night with two different groups of people. not that it matters. dave and i go there so much that we have our own booth.

4: i went and saw rent today at CSUF. it was good and i couldn’t help but smile a lot of the time. to me, that’s a sign of a good performance.

5: i bought groceries at target today. davey and i meant to return the cart that we stole but we ended up buying too much and needed it to bring all of our shit home. this time, though, we didn’t keep the cart in our apartment. we left it outside.

6: i’m going to clean up our apartment tonight so that when davey gets up in the morning he’ll be pleasantly surprised. also, so he’ll stop nagging me about sleeping too late.

i’ve made a few rules for myself.

1: stop trying to influence things you have no control over.

2:stop blaming yourself for things you didn’t do.

3: stop thinking so much about everything. what happened, happened. and that’s really it.

4: love yourself more.

5: love others more.

i’m going to go clean now. have a good one.

things i was thankful for today:

1:i didn’t spend any money. davey and i are trying to learn how to be financially savvy because we spend a lot of unnecessary money. and today i didn’t spend any money whatsoever. pat on the back for me.

2: i got to go to disneyland where i made a new friend, brianne. she’s reanna’s friend. yeah, that’s right. brianna, brianna, and reanna were at disneyland together. a knee slapper if i ever heard one.

3: i finished season three of psych. onward and upward, friends.

4: sang songs with dave and katherine while waiting in line for space mountain. i also learned that if you’re making a funny face and have a seizure, your face really can get stuck like that.

that’s what i’ve got for today. it was a fun day, for sure. i laughed a lot more than i have in a while. i miss my mom and dad though. two weeks. 🙂

i started working on my other blog recently, but it’s not the same. i realize now that it’s because that blog is from a different time in my life. i wrote in it faithfully for a long time and i’d like to preserve it for what it is, not turn it into something else. so i’ve come here, due to inspiration from a dear friend. i’m trying to add more positivity to my life, and what better way to do this than to rid myself of negativity? i’m also going to remind myself of all of the good things that happen to me daily. and that’s a small part of why i’m creating this blog. just as a reminder. so, most of the time i’ll just list a few good things that made my day a bit more pleasant. but on occasion i’ll tell you more. maybe some deep thought i had that day or a picture that i laughed at.

so, here goes nothing.

here it is.

 


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